July 19, 2006
Humpty Dumpty Slid Down the Wall

I CAN'T believe it has been more than a year since my last entry... where does the time go?

I have had SO MANY boo boos over the last year I don't even know where to start!

Suffice it to say that I have probably nicked, cut or bruised 80% of my body over the last year. And despite that, I am still a pretty good specimen... if I do say so myself.

Anyway, a few days ago I got a really good one. And I am going to tell you about it now.

So I was out to dinner with my wonderful family... my fiance Lia, my daughter Bernadette and my son Jacob. We were celebrating Lia's birthday (albeit a few days early). We ate at a nice sports bar type restaurant not too far from home where we know some people (the owner for one). Lia chose the place because it was a nice night and she LOVES to sit outside.

So the boo boo comes AFTER dinner. We are leaving and I notice this concrete wall that surrounds a flower bed of sorts. I am walking along the edge of the wall, the sidewalk to my right growing further and further away from me as I tightrope down its length. Jacob and Bernadette are right behind me... we are all kids really.

Anyway, at the end of the wall we are about 6 or 7 feet ABOVE the sidewalk. I don't know about jumping from this height. Although I am indeed an amazing specimen of man... I am a touch over my shipping weight these days. Jumping from a 7 foot wall to concrete below sounds like broken ankle land to me. So... I decide to sit on the edge of the wall, and dangle my feet over the edge. Now from the bottom of my feet to the ground is more like... 4.5 feet. Managable I feel.

The kids sit down too. I tell them I will help them down once I get down.

So...

While sitting there, I put my hands at my sides on top of the wall. My plan is to jump down. So I lean back slightly and then lean forward quickly, shifting my weight over the edge of the wall and commiting myself to the ground.

The plan was to gain some seperation from the wall by pushing off with my hands, sending my body at least a FEW inches away from the wall. This didn't happen. What DID happen is that my left hand SLIPPED on the top of the wall... I got ZERO push off with it, and yet my body weight was now clearly committed to the air.

What happened next was the most graceless thing I can ever remember doing. I pretty much SLID down the wall... a concrete wall with sort of rough vertical pleets in it. Much like a emery board for King Kong.

So I slid down this 7 foot wall... like one of those sticky balls the kids have that sorta slip down the wall after you whip it at one. Except there was really no pause during the desent. Gravity pretty much sanded my arm down that giant emery board like a giant primate's hangnail.

Now I have been accused of being overly dramatic, and perhaps I do tend to embelish a bit when talking about my boo boos, but DAMN THAT HURT! My arm was all scratched up and bleeding. BOTH arms in fact. I was grateful my shirt didn't decide to stay at the 7 foot level and leave my tender mid-section open like a huge blob of mozerella sliding down a wall of cheese graters.

As it was it really hurt. My son was VERY concerned. He kept asking me if I was ok and hugging me. Bless his heart. He doesn't want to see his dad hurtin'.

It was nice to FINALLY get the kind of sympathy I have always craved. Unrestrained "oh my God are you ok? what can I do? that must have really hurt! You have an incredible tolerence for pain" kind of sympathy.

Thanks Jacob! That almost made this boo boo worth it!