From the Archives
Getting Dragged Down the Street

So back when I was JUST 18 my parents moved to Pittsburgh. They actually moved ON my birthday DAY... July 31st for those thinking about buying me a gift.

The reason they were moving was that my dad had gotten a new job and his sales territory was no longer Cleveland, but Pittsburgh. So they moved about 125 miles to the east.

Anyway, one of the very last things my dad said to me when they left was this...
"Try not to get hurt or do anything stupid for the next few weeks because we don't have any health insurance while I am changing jobs."

I assured him that not only could he trust his 18-year-old "adult" son to act in a proper manner, but that I would be extra careful in the uncovered period.

I don't think it was even 24 hours after they left that the incident happened.

My very good friend, and drummer in my band, Bob Malinky had been dating this girl named Michelle Forst. She was a nice person... wonder what happened to her. Anyway... Bob and I were over at her house and he had his parent's station wagon. Him and Michelle got into the car and were going somewhere. I was standing in the street next to it. All of the windows were down.
What happened next happened in a split second.

Bob jammed the gas pedal and the car took off. Without thinking, I grabbed ahold of the car frame between the driver's window and the back seat window. I remember thinking that I would probably just flutter along the side of the car like a flag or something.

The problem was, and still is, that I am heavier than a flag. Back then I was 160 pounds heavier than a standard U.S. flag. I didn't flutter at all... I dragged.

For some reason I felt that I needed to hang on. And I did for a while. However this resulted in me being dragged down the asphalt street grinding away my jeans on my left side and my shirt, and turning my left side into 90/10 ground beef.

Ground beef with gravel in it that is.

It wasn't more than 5 minutes after that that I was in Fairview Hospital's emergency room. With an oozing abrasion on my left side.

For that day, and for several days after, that was most certianly my Boo Boo De Jour.

I remember calling my mom from the hospital... and telling her that I had hurt myself. I remember explaining it in such a way that didn't make me look like as much of an idiot as I apparently AM. I got my dose of sympathy from my Mommy and left it to her to tell my dad that there would be an uncovered medical expense incurred while he was without health insurance coverage. What a great mom.

July 20, 2006
Is that a knife in your ankle or are you just screaming for no reason at all?

A little MORE than a year ago I was complaining about my ankle. I have had some pain in it off and on over the years.

This morning I awoke with the tell-tale feeling that I MIGHT be having some more problems with it...

Basically, I couldn't put any weight on it without it KILLIN' me! It is really back by my achilles tendon where the pain is. It feels like a deep cut. If I didn't know better, or be able to actually SEE it, I would swear there was a knife sticking out of my ankle... cause it feels like I got stabbed there.

Let me tell you... on the pain scale... this is HARDLY a boo boo. But since I don't write a blog called "I'm Frickin' Dyin From Pain", I am left to write about it here on boo boo de jour.

This is a sort of gout attack I guess. I never get the swelling they say comes with it. I never get the other side effects... just the agonizing pain part. I go to the doctor and they test my blood for elevated levels of uric acid and it just isn't there. So who knows why this happens.

I can tell you one thing. And I have read this in several places online. There are VERY few pains that feel as sharp and agonizing as this. This kind of pain hurts regardless of how you are sitting, laying, standing, or whatever. It keeps you from sleeping by giving you this relentless feeling of someone turning a steak knife in your ankle. Round and round. People have reported this kind of pain as the worst they have ever felt.

I told my doctor last year, after he asked me to rate it on a scale from 1-10, that "since I am reserving 10 for the split second before I die, this is a 9.99".

I know this isn't a classic boo boo per say, but it is what is ailing me today. And as I limped from the parking lot to my desk this morning, I thought, perhaps I should tell all my millions of readers about it.

After all, what makes Boo Boo De Jour so engaging is the fact that I can laugh at myself in the face of pain both small and large. And that struggle is what I share with you here.

In other words, feel sorry for me NOW!

July 19, 2006
Humpty Dumpty Slid Down the Wall

I CAN'T believe it has been more than a year since my last entry... where does the time go?

I have had SO MANY boo boos over the last year I don't even know where to start!

Suffice it to say that I have probably nicked, cut or bruised 80% of my body over the last year. And despite that, I am still a pretty good specimen... if I do say so myself.

Anyway, a few days ago I got a really good one. And I am going to tell you about it now.

So I was out to dinner with my wonderful family... my fiance Lia, my daughter Bernadette and my son Jacob. We were celebrating Lia's birthday (albeit a few days early). We ate at a nice sports bar type restaurant not too far from home where we know some people (the owner for one). Lia chose the place because it was a nice night and she LOVES to sit outside.

So the boo boo comes AFTER dinner. We are leaving and I notice this concrete wall that surrounds a flower bed of sorts. I am walking along the edge of the wall, the sidewalk to my right growing further and further away from me as I tightrope down its length. Jacob and Bernadette are right behind me... we are all kids really.

Anyway, at the end of the wall we are about 6 or 7 feet ABOVE the sidewalk. I don't know about jumping from this height. Although I am indeed an amazing specimen of man... I am a touch over my shipping weight these days. Jumping from a 7 foot wall to concrete below sounds like broken ankle land to me. So... I decide to sit on the edge of the wall, and dangle my feet over the edge. Now from the bottom of my feet to the ground is more like... 4.5 feet. Managable I feel.

The kids sit down too. I tell them I will help them down once I get down.

So...

While sitting there, I put my hands at my sides on top of the wall. My plan is to jump down. So I lean back slightly and then lean forward quickly, shifting my weight over the edge of the wall and commiting myself to the ground.

The plan was to gain some seperation from the wall by pushing off with my hands, sending my body at least a FEW inches away from the wall. This didn't happen. What DID happen is that my left hand SLIPPED on the top of the wall... I got ZERO push off with it, and yet my body weight was now clearly committed to the air.

What happened next was the most graceless thing I can ever remember doing. I pretty much SLID down the wall... a concrete wall with sort of rough vertical pleets in it. Much like a emery board for King Kong.

So I slid down this 7 foot wall... like one of those sticky balls the kids have that sorta slip down the wall after you whip it at one. Except there was really no pause during the desent. Gravity pretty much sanded my arm down that giant emery board like a giant primate's hangnail.

Now I have been accused of being overly dramatic, and perhaps I do tend to embelish a bit when talking about my boo boos, but DAMN THAT HURT! My arm was all scratched up and bleeding. BOTH arms in fact. I was grateful my shirt didn't decide to stay at the 7 foot level and leave my tender mid-section open like a huge blob of mozerella sliding down a wall of cheese graters.

As it was it really hurt. My son was VERY concerned. He kept asking me if I was ok and hugging me. Bless his heart. He doesn't want to see his dad hurtin'.

It was nice to FINALLY get the kind of sympathy I have always craved. Unrestrained "oh my God are you ok? what can I do? that must have really hurt! You have an incredible tolerence for pain" kind of sympathy.

Thanks Jacob! That almost made this boo boo worth it!